


Fertilized

by candicame



Category: The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 11:58:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5416082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candicame/pseuds/candicame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've recently gotten into the Thrilling Adventure Hour, so this is set after Croach leaving the Martial Station after he decided that Sparks would be a terrible co-parent.  In this story, he finds the only other person he thinks might understand his predicament, the Red Plains Rider.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am behind by like three years and legit have n0 idea what happens next. At all. I'm in the dark. S0 g0 int0 this kn0wing that I d0n't kn0w what's g0ing t0 happen. I'm listening in all my free time t0 catch up because av0iding sp0ilers f0r a sh0w this 0ld is ridicul0usly difficult.

Twin moons shone bright and full in the Martain sky as the Red Plains Rider poked lazily at a campfire in the mouth of a cave. She leaned wearily against a rock she had moved close, and sat down the book she had been reading to turn her gaze to the stars. She wondered where the child was now. The infant that she had held, with her eyes, her bone structure, the marshal's fiery red hair, for those few, precious moments, before her soft skin turned to lizard scales, before her eyes became bulbous and rotated in opposite directions. And even then, she was the cutest thing that Red had ever seen. She has gazed into those mismatched, independently rotating eyes, and seen a being of pure, uncorrupted innocence.

 

She wondered if she had done the right thing. Just because the child wasn't the same species was no indication that she would be a poor parent. Her own progenitor was a kind, nurturing Martian, who had done extensive research, found out what humans could eat, found out how they grew, produced a sleeping sack for her to keep her comfortable, warm, and moist on those cold nights. He had done everything and more that one could ask from a parent. He had gotten her into the best schools, during her primary designation ceremony, he had secured for her one of the best breeding partners (though to be honest, those half-human, half-martian kids never really came out what you would call /good/ looking), during her second designation ceremony he had prepared her ruthlessly, kept telling her that she could strive for any career, that she shouldn't let her lack of senses hold her back. He believed in her. He wanted the best for her. She ran away. She abandoned her onus to her father, and she fled. She could never bring herself to go back. She didn't know how. And the only person she wasn't completely embarrassed to still talk to from her tribe was Croach.

 

Croach, who had abandoned her because she couldn't be the Martian wife he had wanted. It wasn't just what he told everyone. It wasn't /just/ that she wasn't what he called “physically compatible”. They could work around that. There were fertility clinics that could help. There were places where they could buy 'marital aids' for that exact situation. There were ways. There were places. There were ovipositors that connected with leather straps to help with the 'canoodling' process. No, that may have been a part of it, but Croach wanted her to complete her Bar Miz Fa, to obtain her proper designation, and her nano tek. She couldn't go back. Not after abandoning her tribe. Not after abandoning her father. So /he/ abandoned /her/.

 

She couldn't blame him.

 

She also couldn't pretend to be human after a failed marriage and a failed pregnancy. There was no humanity in her. There was nothing left for her in the tribe. She couldn't trust Sparks, or Jim, or the USSA, and she couldn't go back to her tribe, back underground. She had no one, and nothing, except the wide open skies and the red plains spread out before her.

 

She didn't sense him until he was at the mouth of the cave.

 

“Croach?” her eyes widened, she threw down the book and stood, “What're ya doin?” He turned to face her and then looked back at his hands, in his lap, pressed them to the hoversaddle as if grounding himself, closed his eyes, and she /knew/ without him answering. “You told 'im, didn't ya?”

 

“I just thought,” Croach's voice was flat, cold, worse than screaming, worse than tears, the kind of sorrow that had already mingled with resignation, “I just thought that after you two lost the offspring that you thought you would have, that he would enjoy having a second chance. I was incorrect in this assumption.”

 

“Incerrect? What'd he say to you?” She opened her arms for him, “Git down from that saddle. You ought not be out ridin the range in yer condition.”

 

“I am fertilized but I am still a sentient creature, not an incubator!” Croach's voice finally carried some emotion, “I apologize Red Plains Rider, my problem is not with you, but with Sparks Nevada. I am under onus to you for my outburst.”

 

“I recon I didn't want nobody tellin me how ta be when I was in a family way neither,” She admitted, “But yeh still oughta come sit by the fire a spell, since ye rode all the way out here and all.”

 

“The riding will not injure me or the brood residing within me. Remember that we bought our gyroscopic stabilizers during the same time period.” He sighed, but let her help him down, “Besides, my exoskeleton provides better protection that a female's- oh, and a human's...” he poked her playfully in the stomach, “Exposed fleshy goop.”

 

“Protected er not ya ought not be out ridin alone. Ya usually got more sense'n that, so he done somethin' awful. Which I recon is /classic/ Nevada.” She walked back to the fire and spread her sleeping bag, doubled on the ground as a cushion before she would allow him to sit down, “Now tell me what it was.”

 

She dug in her rucksack as Croach hung his head, until she pulled out a second bowl and scooped the stew, from the pot hanging over the fire, into it. She handed it to him, but it took him a second to acknowledge it.

 

“I am under onus to you for the meal, Red Plains Rider.”

 

“Don't start, Croach,” Red sighed, and picked up the book only to dig in the sand with it, “We both know ain't no amount of niceness what can make up fer the way I run out on everybody. And the way I run off with Sparks. And the way I run off with Jim”.

 

“We were not in a partnership when you committed to the human known as Cactoid Jim, and I do not hold that against you,” he sipped the soup and smiled, “Oh! Red Plains Rider! I am realizing that I have mated with someone who has mated with Cactoid Jim. That is almost as if /I/ have mated with Cactoid Jim. I wish he had not become an evil overlord in that alternate timeline. He is... quite the human.”

 

“Yeah, well... if he wouldn't 'a gone and done that, you might still be dead I recon so... it kinda all works out. Universe has a weird way 'a doin that.” She stared up at the stars for a few minutes before she went on, “Ey Croach? Ya miss it? Knowin the will of the universe?”

 

Croach thought for a long moment before replying, “It was... a bit overwhelming. To have all those powers and have nothing to do with them. I was forbidden from using them. And anyway, I am Croach the tracker, not Croach the omnipotent.” They both laughed, Croach making no audible noise but shaking in true laughter, not a human facsimile. “Red Plains Rider, I did not come here to reminisce. I am glad to see you, but... I should not have tracked you. You wanted to be alone, and recover.”

 

“Nah. Universe has a way a woking out. I was actually feelin powerful lonesome just before you rode up. Besides... I wanna know what Nevada done did to ya. You went and got all excited... ya finally had... somebody what could give you young'uns.” She stared into the fire.

 

“...Red Plains Rider it is not as if...” Croach started, but declined to finish.

 

“Y'hall actually gonna have a purty one, ya' know? Most a them half-breeds get kinda weird at first, but this'in ain't got a prayer. You're both awful good lookin. Ifin they have hair it's gonna be that bright red on topa that blue. Little bitty antane stickin' out. Git that human emotional development with them Martian senses... gonna be...” she wiped a tear before it could spill down her cheek, “Gonna be real nice, Croach.”

 

“Sparks Nevada does not want this offspring, Red Plains Rider. I do not know if it is because he just lost an offspring and is not ready to try again so soon, or if it is just because... he finds me 'gross'.”

 

“Oh Croach...” she reached over and laid her hand on his, “Why would you go an say somethin like that? What'd he do?”

 

“He has been experiencing the emotion that humans designate 'sadness' for almost an Earth month, since the offspring he thought that he would share with you was taken away by the Jupiter spy. I thought that perhaps if we had a surprise event, you know, as expectant fertilizers sometimes get by their partners, it would help him achieve the emotion that humans designate “joy”, much like he had when he heard about your fertilization.”

 

She nodded and squeezed his hand.

 

“Oh it was to be glorious. I had put out the snacks, both savory and sweet varieties, and guests had just started arriving, when the station came under attack by a gang of robot outlaws. Sparks Nevada suggested /I/ go apprehend them. I thought that perhaps he just did not understand what I had told him, about the fertilization? But the other humans, the one designated Felton and the other designated Mordecai, both made the human intake of air sound, and expressed shock, as well as shamed him for attempting to place his fertilized partner in potential danger. I am aware that Sparks Nevada is under the impression that the Nah Nohtek (praise him) will protect both myself /and/ the fertilized ovum. However, as you know, he is incorrect. Nah Notek heals, it does not protect.”

 

“Wait. Sa he upin tried to send you out, fertilized, ta fight a gang a robot outlaws?” She loosened her grip and it fell to her holster, “After'in he didn't trust me ta keep /one/ fetus safe? Treated /me/ like a right incubator and he got you out here runnin after outlaws?”

 

“It is not a trust issue, Red Plains Rider. Sparks Nevada is simply not overprotective of these ovum because he does not want the offspring which they will develop into.”

 

She considered this for a long moment before she asked, “'n yer sure he's the fertilizer? Yer /absolutely/ sure? Yeh never did run that test, did ya?”

 

“I do not require genetic testing,” Croach sighed and looked into the now empty bowl, “Sparks Nevada is the only creature with an organ capable of fertilization that I have... 'shown my feet' to. You have seen his ovapositor, you are aware of this.”

 

“You know that's not...” She decided to give lessons on human anatomy later and focus on what was important for now, “Necessarily a bad thing. He don't treat ya' right. You kinda dodged a bullet on that one.”

 

“I understand that is a metaphor, but I do not understand it.”

 

“You know. He just don't treat ya right.” She poked the fire, “Always sayin; that yer gross. Callin you a 'marjin' an whatnot. Not even /tryin/ to pronounce yer name right. Bein right up jealous of yer nah nohtek... tryin to put hisself under onus that one time when he /knew/ you wus with me just so'in you'd come back ta him... ye just ought not treat a lover like that.”

 

“This is not the human emotion designated 'love', Red Plains Rider. I am confused as to why everyone keeps saying that. Sparks Nevada and I are not... we do not experience that emotion in relation to each other.”

 

“uh-huh”

 

“You are employing human sarcasm. Do not. Do not employ human sarcasm on me right now, Red Plains Rider. I just left my breeding partner because he is no longer a viable co-parent and will be forced to raise my offspring on my own. I am unable to take any more human nonsense.” He leaned back, trying to settle comfortably against the rock.

 

“You done took... you know what? We both done took way more human nonsense from that buttmilk than any self-respecting folk, human or martian, what had any sense, would. We ain't neither of us ought to pay him no more mind.” She crossed one arm over her lap and gently laid the other over Croach's shoulders.

 

“I must return eventually,” Croach sighed, “I am under onus to Sparks Nevada for saving our tribe, and under additional onus for saving my life, and under additional onus for resurrecting me as a tool to be used in order to communicate with him.”

 

“Croach he done tried to send you out into a gunfight and you fertilized. He done run his /fertilized/ partner out. I don't care who ya are, af'er ya start messin with babies sa little they ain't even been laid yet, ye done negated any onus that fertilized partner ever had you lay on um.” She squeezed his shoulder, “You don't owe him nothin'. He's under onus to /you/ fer carryin them babes all healthy and whatnot until they hatch. Fertlizers always take on a pretty big onus. I recon he ought be takin care a you.”

 

“Perhaps humans are unaware of that part of the mating process,” Croach suggested, scooting down so he could lay his head on her shoulder.

 

“Oh he ain't. He done babyproofed the whole planet when I was carryin' one. He's damn well aware a' it. He knows what he ought be doin and he's just sherkin it. His responsibility I mean. I don't even care if y'hall was a fightin. He ought be ridin right behind ya, trying to catch up and make sure them eggs is safe. This ain't right an' you know it.”

 

“Red Plains Rider,” Croach sighed into her shoulder, “May I stay at your camp tonight? I do not wish to return to the underground city, nor do I wish to bunk with Sparks Nevada. I would like to stay with someone. It would make me feel safer, in my condition.”

 

“I recon you oughta,” She agreed, “An I want yeh ta sleep proper. You set you up a pod an get all comfortable and /I'll/ keep watch fer things what might getcha like desperadoes and predators and whatnot. Keep ya nice and safe. Won't nothin git ya.”

 

“Red Plains Rider, you are not my fertilizer. You do not have to protect me or my ovum. This would put me under onus to you.” He apparently addressed this remark to her shoulder.

 

“It ain't gonna make up fer the onus I owe yeh already,” She laid her head on top of his before standing, taking both his hands and pulling him to his feet, “Kin you even extract a pod in yer shape? Maybe ya oughta wrap up in mah sleepin bag? Ah'll cook yah some breakfast in the mornin. Might be too much on ya. Somethin else yer fertilizer ought be doin.”

 

“Red Plains Rider... I am experiencing the emotion that humans designate... fear? I fear raising my offspring alone. I fear that I will be unable to provide enough support to rear a successful youngling who can properly overcome the trials of life. The manner in which I am going to have to rear it is not ideal.”

 

“Ain't gonna be the first single pa on G'loot Praktaw, Craoch,” Red squeezed his hands, “An' I recon... There ain't no young'un could ask fer a better pa, to tell ya true. You wanted this a long time, Blue one.”

 

“Do not use that designation,” he sighed, “Please.”

 

“I'm just sayin... yeah. It's scary. Scared the blue daylights outta me when I gone and found out that I had myself in a family way. An' I know that you wanna pretend that you don't have the emotional capacity fer love... but ya do, Croach. You gonna love that young 'un, an' ya got enough human friends that it'll git ta learn about the human side 'a it's heritage, an' yer the best tracker on the galdanged planet. Ya' gonna settle up with Nevada, an then ya need to git on home an git set up. Start thinkin about the young 'un and move right on with yer life. Ain't neither one of us owe him a gauldanged thing.”

 

“I am under onus to you for your confidence in my abilities, Red Plains Rider, but I am not Croach the caregiver. I am not sure I posess the level of skill you attribute to me.”

 

Red paused for only a second before leaning up to kiss Croach gently on the cheek, then released his hands to spread out her sleeping bag.

 

“Come on, big'in,” she instructed, “Climb inside”.

 

She zipped him in, snug as a bug in a rug, and stroked the space between his antane until they gave in to the slow, subtle twitching that told her that he was dreaming. She was going to kill Nevada.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean... whatcha g0nna d0, right?

The Red Plains Rider was incredibly good at keeping people safe. In fact, Croach had often speculated that had she gone through with her secondary designation ceremony, she would have been designated “G'rop the Protector”. So he had no trouble falling into a fitful sleep with her watching over him. He was emotionally and physically exhausted, after dealing with Sparks's dumbassery, and the general fatigue that came from having several small creatures seeping the resources from his body. The physical tiredness was something that he did not consider a discomfort, something that he would, under most circumstances, actually enjoy. But it was difficult to enjoy anything when your fertilization partner was doing his best to get on your every nerve, especially when the first thing you have to hear upon waking is his stupid voice.

 

“Red just let me in. Put the gun down.”

 

“I told you not ta come after me, Nevada. I ain't got no interest in the likes a you right now.”

 

“Not here for you.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“Red I know he's in there, and I know you know, and I'm actually kinda not cool with you not telling me that you knew? The whole time you knew? How long did you know, anyway? Y'hall go baby shoppin together?”

 

“Don't got no clue what yer on about.”

 

“Red I can see him.”

 

“Ain't nobody here.”

 

“He's literally right there. I can see over your shoulder.”

 

Red cocked her plasma pistol, “Ain't /nobody/ here, Nevada.”

 

“Whow. You uh... you cockin that now?” Sparks's voice became a little nervous, but he tried to keep it even, “Croach? Croach I can see you! I tracked you! Like you wanted, right?”

 

“He ain't want to see you, Nevada.” Red answered for him.

 

“Heeeeeey,” Sparks whined and Croach finally opened his eyes. Sparks was standing at the mouth of the cave, watching him, eyes locked on him, hands in the air, as Red shoved a plasma pistol into his chest. It's power pack was glowing, so it was obviously powered up.

 

“Red Plains Rider,” Croach sat up, “Please do not kill Sparks Nevada.”

 

“I won't, ifin he gets right back on his horse and rides right back inta town.” Red promised.

 

“Red, come on,” Sparks pleaded, “Me an Croach need to talk.”

 

“Croach ain't got no mind to talk to you.”

 

“Well,” Sparks darted his eyes from Red right back to Croach, “He's got my young'uns, so I recon he has to, whether he's got a mind to or not.”

 

“Sparks Nevada,” Croach stood and crossed his arms, “You have tracked me here?”

 

“Recon I did,” Sparks breathed a little easier after Red lowered her gun.

 

“Why?” Croach glared at him.

 

“Well I guess you got a right to be grumpy. Look, I know that I done ruined your surprise event. Believe me. I know. The barkeep wouldn't leave until he made sure I knew.”

 

“Yes,” Croach agreed, “I thought perhaps the other humans would have shamed you for your behavior toward the /person you have fertilized/.”

 

“Croach hush,” Sparks warned, “I ain't here because I been /shamed/ into it by other people. I been ridin all night. So hush. Let me say my piece.”

 

Croach moved his hands to his hips and stared down at the human, “Then speak, Sparks Nevada.”

 

“Alright so...” Nevada glanced at Red, “Can you, ya know, not? Private time? For me and Croach?”

 

She glared and returned to the fire, “I'm watchin you, Nevada.”

 

“Yeah, alright,” Sparks nodded and turned back to Croach, “ok so. Yeah. Look. ok.”

 

“I am looking.”

 

“No. Hush. Look. At... ok so. Pregnant?”

 

“No, Sparks Nevada. Creatures that give live birth are pregnant. Creatures that lay eggs are /fertilized/. I am not pregnant. I do not possess that ability.”

 

“ok but yeah. Look. Croach. I. Look.”

 

Croach massaged his temples and closed his eyes. It was too early for Spark's nonsense. “Sparks Nevada, either communicate or do not, but this is tedious and tiresome and I am unable to process it in a polite way in my condition.”

 

“ok. Yeah. Croach. Look,” Sparks began again.

 

“Do not instruct me to look upon you again, Sparks Nevada. There is nothing to see that is in any way different from when I left last night.”

 

“No I don't mean look like 'look at me', I mean look like 'pay attention'.”

 

“I /am/ giving you my full attention, Sparks Nevada.”

 

“ok. So.” Sparks took a deep breath, and began, because it was the only way that he could get through it, “So I thought I was gonna get a kid, right? And I was ready for that. And I prepared for that. And the whole time I was scared, right that /Jim/ was just gonna come along and grab it up (that baby stealin' Cactoid Jim) and I wouldn't get to keep it, right? And then that Jupe just up and came and grabbed it up, and I didn't get to keep her. Didn't even get to /hold/ her. And I hadn't even got to /processin/ that by the time that you just told me about this. An... I don't know /anything/ about Marjins. I can't take care of a Martin baby? Your not even mammals... so they don't even... drink milk, right? Like you don't even have,” Sparks moved his hands to his chest to indicate human breasts and Croach arched an eyebrow.

 

“Martian younglings consume the same food as adult Martians,” Croach explained, confused, “Though they lack the skills necessary to cook or hunt or garden or shop and therefore it must be prepared by an adult until such time as the child can acquire those skills.”

 

“So no nuts?” Sparks asked, running his hands up and down his arms, then he laughed sharply, hysterically.

 

“Correct,” Croach agreed.

 

“So then I thought, 'welp I'd best be learnin' cause, ya know, it's happenin. I mean, at this point it's /happenin/, right? Ain't nothin to be... I mean, whatcha gonna do? You know? Whatcha gonna do?”

 

“I am going to gestate my ovum until such time as they have matured enough to survive outside the confines and safety of my body. Then, I will dig a place for them to hatch. I shall stand guard and await the appearance of the alpha youngling.” Croach explained.

 

“ok yeah but,” Sparks was running his bare hands up and down his arms fast enough to start a fire, “But that's what /you're/ gonna do. I'm gonna,” he paused again to laugh, hysterical and for far longer than was appropriate. Croach cocked his head, watching him, then darted his eyes to Red, who shrugged, before Sparks shot his eyes upward to meet Croach's. The green was blazing, hiding a madness bubbling just under the surface. “I'm gonna raise me a half-martian baby with my best pal, right? Right, that's what I'm gonna do. Because,” he laughed again, “Because whatcha gonna do? Nothin, right?”

 

“Sparks Nevada, I understand that you are making the sound of human laughter, but this does not seem... appropriate. This is not an appropriate emotional response. Is it?” Croach turned to Red for support.

 

“He's /hysterical/,” She explained, “He's gonna hyperventilate and knock his fool self out. Best ta sit him down.”

 

“Why... is he doing that?”

 

“Nah nah, Red, issok. I'm ok. I'm just. I'm gonna have me a baby, with my Martian Pal. Best buds, you an me, right Croachy? Croachly? Croachington,” he doubled over, both hands on his knees, laughing, before his legs gave out on him and he fell, “Just gonna have a little,” he started, then tried again, “Been ridin all night. Just gonna,” he laughed, took in a deep breath of dark, red earth and coughed, “Just gonna sit a spell. Just a minute.”

 

“Red Plains Rider,” Croach had backed away to allow Sparks to fall, but was watching him closely, “Sparks Nevada is experiencing... something. I am unfamiliar with the thing I am seeing.”

 

“He's /hysterical/, I done told ya. Let him lay a minute. Come eat yer breakfast.” She explained, “He ain't got the sense the good lord gave a comet bug.”


End file.
